British Things You Can Do Outside of Great Britain to Pretend You Are Indeed in Britain

Since my friend, Erin, cannot be here, I have made a list of things that can be done anywhere so that you can get the British experience vicariously. Feel free to try these any time you want to expand your horizons.

1. Drink quality tea made in a teapot from a bone china teacup. I'm sure you don't think this affects the taste, but it does. And it must be drunk hot with milk and sugar. There should be enough milk in it to turn the tea a nice light tan color. Accompany your tea with a crisp store-bought cookie and refer to it as a biscuit.

2. Eat your lunch outside, preferably on a park bench near some flowers. Then, once you have completed your eating, just sit and soak it all in. Americans have a really hard time with this - do your best. The more you practice the longer you can sit there and enjoy.

3. Choose a good British author like Jane Austen or William Blake (two of my favorites) and read them while sitting next to your heater trying to stay warm. Make sure to pronounce all words that have the short "a" sound with an "ah" sound.

4. Get two canvas bags and fill (and I mean full) them with your groceries. Then, put up your umbrella and try to balance your bags, umbrella, and handbag while walking at least four blocks. This is more authentic if it is actually raining on you as you do it so that you have incentive to keep the umbrella in place. This one is actually more European in general, but I think the umbrella qualifies it for this post.

5. Read through previous blog entries and practice using the various British phrases in your conversations. A few of my favorites: "spot on," "let's have a think," and "hoovering."

6. For breakfast, spoon heated canned baked beans over two slices of toast. Serve with a boiled egg in an egg cup and a piece of fried ham. Refer to the ham as bacon throughout the entire meal.

7. Use a more formal 3 or 4 syllable word where you (as an American) would normally use a short informal word. You will be amazed at how many words you actually know that you forgot you knew! I love how the Brits are able to convey things so much more vividly than I usually take the time to.

8. If you have a garden, cut fresh flowers and put them in your house. Otherwise, purchase cut stems from the grocery store and take them home. Make sure to arrange them artfully in a vase.

9. Eat curry. The Indian (as in from the country of India) influence on the British cuisine is much like Mexican food is to Southerners. I can't bring myself to do this one, but if you want the full experience feel free to indulge.

10. Pop in to your local good-will shop. Charity shops here are like good-will on steroids. In my small town, there are 5 charity shops in the town center. My favorite finds have been a set of dessert plates for one pound and the complete works of Beatrix Potter for two pounds. Yep, the British are always on the look-out for a bargain.

So, here's a start. Maybe you have some ideas. Is there anything that you think is quintessentially British that you want to confirm as fact or fiction? Let me know! And let me know how your pretend British life turns out.

P.S. I almost forgot the most important one! Eat fish and chips with mushy peas. Yep, that's what they're called. And the mushier they are the more authentic your experience is. If you're truly brave, eat your chips with malt vinegar. For those of you that aren't ready to commit that much, then try the less adventurous mayonnaise with your chips. Or, if you're just out for comfort food, stick with ketchup, but call it "toe-mah-toe sauce" so that you are still part of the fun.